The people trying to conceive

I feel like people don't really put as much thought into women who are ttc (trying to conceive) or the women who are just heartbroken over false positive pregnancy tests. That kind of thing is really sad. If you thought you were pregnant and you are attatched to what you thought was your baby then you have a right to grieve and you have a right to treat it as a loss. I dont understand why people don't see it as an important loss or feeling

When your feeling down...

I honestly don't know how to advise you to go through the depression. I have gone through pain like this so many times and it seems like every time I just ask myself why. Why does it have to be this way? Why have I lost so many people in my life? I'll really doubt god during these times, I wonder if god is just a myth (still don't know) its not like I have it all together and I have all of the answers, I just want this blog to be a place to go where maybe some people can grieve together and share stories.

It counts as a loss

I don't care if it's stillbirth, miscarriage, losing an infant, losing a child or an adult, or even if you thought you were pregnant and got attached to your baby you thought you were pregnant with, etc. THEY ALL COUNT AS LOSSES! If it affects you and makes you feel like you have lost someone. Don't worry about what other people say, many people are judgmental of angel mothers, fathers and other family members. People don't understand that losing a baby still counts as loss. I don't know why but it just seems like the world doesn't really understand

Contct me im Here :)

I can't stress enough how much I would love to help someone going through this so please contact me at my email which is Cameronlovesballet@gmail.com if you need ANY advice about ANYTHING even if it doesn't have to do with still birth

My memories of lane

I have a few memories of my Nephew. The first memory I will mention is this Teddy Bear, Teddy bears are a good memory to have because they are something you can hold when you miss having the baby in you arms. I got that bear after Lanes funeral and I sleep with it every night, you can call me a little kid if you want but it is one of the few memories I have of my nephew so I think it is very special. I put it in a baby blanket and an over sized hat because Lane was wrapped up tightly in a baby blanket and a hat that was huge on his tiny head.

Later I will post a picture of this that is actually readable but this is the program that was passed out at Lanes Funeral and what you see is a beautiful poem that Lanes dad wrote for him. A preacher read it at the funeral and I cried and cried and when I got home I read it to my mom ( who was not at the funeral because this is my dads side of the family) and I could barely talk because I was crying so hard the words are beautiful and so true.

The next Memory is the Necklace I wear every day in memory of Lane. Currently I have his Name and Birthday in it but I am probably going to put his picture inside and a picture of me holding him.

The last memory I will tell you about is pictures of Lane. I just posted a picture of my finger covering the camera so it would be dark, The reason I did that is out of respect for my nephew. All the pictures I have are of a dead infant child which is a very sad sight. Lane will always be beautiful in my eyes but I dont want ANYONE to think otherwise if I can control that. I wont be posting pictures of him on this blog because I only show his picture to people who want to see and I have warned them that he is dead in the pictures. I hate that I don't have any live pictures to put on my blog,my computer desktop screen, facebook, and my phone screen saver but I unfortunately do not. It's just that I have seen hateful comments on the internet about still birth/Miscarriage babies on google Images and that Kind of thing. People who make comments like that need to get a life, get a job, and get a girlfriend but most likely no one loves them because they are ignorant and rude and don't know how to treat a Peron. If you happen to look at this blog and want to see lane I can email you a picture though. :)


Those are the few Memories I have for my precious nephew. I wrote his name and a few nice things and put that paper on my wall in my room. I try to create memories because I don't have many. I will never have that many but I shared a great couple of minutes with my nephew holding him and loving him and sobbing over him. Now I hope that he is in heaven watching over me and being my guardian angel. I wonder all the time if he likes me or cares about me or if he doesn't really care about me. I'm not sure and will never be sure but all I can do is continue making memories and praying and loving my baby angel.
R.I.P. Baby Lane Curtis Topping

A picture of Lanes little Feet

The Mold Of Lanes Feet :)

Contact me :)

I can't stress enough how much i would like to help at least on Person who is going through a rough time with still birth or miscarriage or anything in their life. Email me at CameronLovesBallet@gmail.com i would love to listen.:)